October 6th, 2007
Hi lovely readers of Az, Caz & Co, I am Alan’s beloved photoshoped monkey and I am sorry that you are all missing me. I have been working on standing in the corner of Az, Caz & Co for over a year now and Alan decided to give me a rest and paid for me to go on a little holiday whilst he lays down the dust sheets, cracks open the paints and does a little work around the place.
Don’t worry, I really like working for Alan and I will be back… Until then I will try and send you some postcards.
Lots of love and respec’
MoNkEy x
December 10th, 2006
There have been many famous great words said in our time and I bet there are far more great unfinished words to be read or not as the case may be. I thought it might be fun to show you some of mine that are sitting about, let me know if there are any you would like me to finish…
- Windows is utter bollocks! Random freezes suck too
- Why is nothing ever straight forward when it comes to computers?
- Dirty Pixels
- Must See TV
- Puns are funny… here is a testament to that
- Boxing Cats
- Why colour contrast is important…
- Call of Duty 2
- I’ve S-ATA nuff of that!!!
I plan to finish some of them but figured I would ask you guys what you would like for once…
November 15th, 2006
Good evening one and all, NotCot have done it again and come up with yet another inspirational toy only this time I can actually use it to deliver a message to you. Why don’t you have a read of it and I look forward to your reply…
My message to you all…
September 20th, 2006
“Stop it… Leave me alone!” said Jonny. He and a couple of his friends stayed on the corner of “Knuckle Ridge” and every day at 2 o’clock without fail, they would find themselves burning in some sort of acid rain. They were beginning to get used to it but this doesn’t mean they actually enjoyed it. Jonny was getting really upset because he was getting smaller and smaller as time went on, this was quite disturbing as even before the acid showers started his friends used to tease him and call him “shorty” or “gads you’re hairy”.
One day (I think it was a Tuesday) Jonny was out in his garden hanging out his washing when bang on 2pm the showers started. The shrinking was never an immediate thing so (pull)Jonny took in his washing before anything too drastic happened(/pull).
Seeing as there was no point in going outside for the next little while, Jonny sat down to a nice cup of tea and pondered for a while. Pondering was never one of Jonny’s strong points but seeing as it was raining he figured he would give it a bash anyway. By the time Jonny had finished pondering his tea was cold, he had a really nasty cramp all over and to top it off, someone had snuck in and shaved his eyebrows 1 whilst he was busy concentrating on his ponder.
For the first time in a long time, despite the cold tea, cramp and lack of eyebrows, Jonny realised that his ponder hadn’t been in vain… he had managed to ponder to not one but two conclusions! One being that living where he does he is constanly affected by the rain, the second being that he hated the expression “gads you’re hairy…”
After finally managing to ponder to a conclusion, or two as the case may be, Jonny decided he might actually have to see if by pondering he could find out what that meant. Needless to say that just because he came to more than one conclusion, it didn’t mean he was going to be able to do it again and predictably his attempts were fruitless.
Despite Jonny’s failure to come up with a third conclusion, the remains of the first two were more than fresh in his mind and he found himself with a distinct urge to do something about it. he was just away to engage once again in the process of deep thought when his flatmate appeared to the greeting of “gads you’re hairy Jonny… have you had a trim? You’re looking smaller than usual…”
Poor Jonny had his concentration and what was left of his self esteem shattered in an instant. This did however have a positive effect, as that night Jonny went missing and to this day his flatmates have heard neither head nor tail of him. There are rumors floating around that he has found a nice location in “Foot Arch Square”, but these are completely unfounded as warts are warts after all and although to my knowledge they are unable to get up and leave, I could well be completely wrong. Just like Jonny’s flatmates, I too am at a complete loss as to where he went!
Maybe he was frozen off when no-one was looking, maybe he shrank away to nothing in an extra heavy shower of the 2 o’clock variety or maybe there’s a lot more to warts than meets the eye, maybe he did pack his bags and head for company among more friendly types such as verukas… After all, this wart did have a name and that’s a start…
August 28th, 2006
I have written so much waffle recently about getting stuff done I figured I would lighten it up with a little poem seeing as I had a few words rattling about in my head that needed to get out. I’ll tell you something for nothing though, productivity is a hard word to finish on lol… Here goes …
***
Cut the crap
just get it done
that’s what they call productivity
Closing a deal
or a baby in womb
that’s what they call productivity
For I have no time
to blether and rhyme
but also this is productivity
’cause if you produce
instead of reduce
you can put it all down to productivity
***
June 2nd, 2006
Okay, many moons ago after a night out I stopped past my friends house to say hello and stuff, Kolin happens to be an audio master (Mainly known as Biomechanoid) and has made some awesome music over the years (more on that at a later date though). After very little discussion we decided to get me plugged in and record some ad hoc lyrics in his studio and the track you are about to hear is a bi-product of that little audio excursion.
In Winamp it says that this was made in 2003 but I would put it a lot further back than that, I think Kolin had a little play with it and mashed it up a bit further. Still, seeing as I never got a chance to record a podcast tonight, I am still duty bound to provide you with unique audio content on a regular basis and I think this qualifies seeing as it is part of the rather large backlog of things I have done over the years.
I actually caught up with Kolin the other week which was really nice, he seems to be doing well for himself and is creating soundbanks for Absynth and recording soundscape stuff for various people. Very talented individual who I have a lot of respect for.
Anyway, the long and short of that meeting is that hopefully we are going to hook up again soon and try to lay down some tracks. I am getting back into the creative side of life again and I will not tell a lie! I am loving it 
Oh well, here goes, the track is called Monkey Business, please let me know what you think of it by leaving a comment!
[audio:http://www.azcazandco.com/podcasts/monkey-business-baby.mp3]
Download the track here
June 2nd, 2006
Ha ha, okay so I am slightly cheating this evening, something came up that has prevented me from getting a proper recording done for the site but instead I have decided to share a wee gem that I wrote a while back.
This little poem is called “Spots” and it goes a little like this:
[audio:http://www.azcazandco.com/podcasts/ive-got-a-blackhead.mp3]
I’ve got a blackhead
and I’ve got spots
I’ve got some that squirt little
and some that squirt lots!
Download this poem.
May 19th, 2006
This is it. Hold onto your hats folks as the new Az, Caz & Co podcast comes into effect. I’ve finally gotten round to firing up Audacity, Winamp, and some mild drum & bass to bring you some audio entertainment and hopefully add another dimension to the site.
You’ll have to bare with me on this one, it’s still early doors and I’ve never done anything on the audio production front before and one cannot learn everything in a day, I will however give it a damn good go 
I’m hoping to try and roll one of these out once a week and most likely on a Thursday night because Caroline works and I will have peace and quiet to get things done. The kids might begin to worry about my sanity though!
Future plans for the podcast include a wealth of interviews on a variety of subjects such as digital, music, life in general and hopefully get some comedy nonsense on the go too. I hope you enjoy it, I know I am going to!
Anyway, thats the heads up, enjoy the show…
[audio:http://www.azcazandco.com/podcasts/podcast-intro-18-05-2006.mp3]
Download the podcast here…
May 11th, 2006
Well here it is, the first poem of mine that I am going to let loose on the world and at the same time try to get a Podcast up and running. I have been meaning to do it for a while and the only thing I’ve done to date is record a quick sample calling one of my mates an unsavoury name.
This is a poem that I actually got the idea for whilst in the shower one evening. I think that in order to appreciate poems you need to hear them so this is why I made the decision to record them… I hope you like this one, it’s called “Alternate Vicar”. I usually do it whilst drunk though so I may end up re-recording it… scary this podcast thing!
Oh yeah and if you want read along here is the audio version.
[audio:http://www.azcazandco.com/podcasts/alternate-vicar.mp3]
Come here today
and throw away
your arrows and your knives…
For I have come here today
to wed a husband and a wife…
Come to me with reasoned mind body and soul
you shall find eternal love
you shall acheive your goal…
For I become the vicar now
behold my work is done…
do not turn upon your love
destroy it with a gun…
Love is sacred
the lord has said,
retrieve that bullet
make love not dead
For love a word
with joy it brings
and with this word
the whole world sings
of the gift that you now hold…
I bless you now my childern
your vows now please uphold…
Peace!
April 13th, 2006
Wow! What a stroke of pure genius!
We have invited a new guy on board to write on the Jungle Nation site and it has definitely turned up trumps, he is supposed to be writing about music production but has instead created the Bass Monkey Vocal Cleaner 3000!!
What a total masterpiece it is too, for those of you that don’t know me, I have a pretty gruff voice and even more so when I am on a mic playing at a drum and bass night and this is Nil Munny’s solution…
Check it out over at Jungle Nation…
I am touched that someone has taken the time to create such a machine…