azcazandco

The day the wart ran away

September 20th, 2006

“Stop it… Leave me alone!” said Jonny. He and a couple of his friends stayed on the corner of “Knuckle Ridge” and every day at 2 o’clock without fail, they would find themselves burning in some sort of acid rain. They were beginning to get used to it but this doesn’t mean they actually enjoyed it. Jonny was getting really upset because he was getting smaller and smaller as time went on, this was quite disturbing as even before the acid showers started his friends used to tease him and call him “shorty” or “gads you’re hairy”.

One day (I think it was a Tuesday) Jonny was out in his garden hanging out his washing when bang on 2pm the showers started. The shrinking was never an immediate thing so (pull)Jonny took in his washing before anything too drastic happened(/pull).

Seeing as there was no point in going outside for the next little while, Jonny sat down to a nice cup of tea and pondered for a while. Pondering was never one of Jonny’s strong points but seeing as it was raining he figured he would give it a bash anyway. By the time Jonny had finished pondering his tea was cold, he had a really nasty cramp all over and to top it off, someone had snuck in and shaved his eyebrows ¹ whilst he was busy concentrating on his ponder.

For the first time in a long time, despite the cold tea, cramp and lack of eyebrows, Jonny realised that his ponder hadn’t been in vain… he had managed to ponder to not one but two conclusions! One being that living where he does he is constanly affected by the rain, the second being that he hated the expression “gads you’re hairy…”

After finally managing to ponder to a conclusion, or two as the case may be, Jonny decided he might actually have to see if by pondering he could find out what that meant. Needless to say that just because he came to more than one conclusion, it didn’t mean he was going to be able to do it again and predictably his attempts were fruitless.

Despite Jonny’s failure to come up with a third conclusion, the remains of the first two were more than fresh in his mind and he found himself with a distinct urge to do something about it. he was just away to engage once again in the process of deep thought when his flatmate appeared to the greeting of “gads you’re hairy Jonny… have you had a trim? You’re looking smaller than usual…”

Poor Jonny had his concentration and what was left of his self esteem shattered in an instant. This did however have a positive effect, as that night Jonny went missing and to this day his flatmates have heard neither head nor tail of him. There are rumors floating around that he has found a nice location in “Foot Arch Square”, but these are completely unfounded as warts are warts after all and although to my knowledge they are unable to get up and leave, I could well be completely wrong. Just like Jonny’s flatmates, I too am at a complete loss as to where he went!

Maybe he was frozen off when no-one was looking, maybe he shrank away to nothing in an extra heavy shower of the 2 o’clock variety or maybe there’s a lot more to warts than meets the eye, maybe he did pack his bags and head for company among more friendly types such as verukas… After all, this wart did have a name and that’s a start…

¹ It should be pointed out that Jonny had no eyebrows in the first place but he didn’t know this. (He is a wart after all)