Bad Joke Friday #8 - Time Theme
August 18th, 2006
As some of you may well be aware of, I am now working for myself and freelancing, the downside of this is the fact that my time has been eaten up somewhat and that is my reason for the theme this time (hehe… I said time already).
I am not unhappy at the fact that my time is being used to build up a future for myself and my family and things are working out not too bad at the moment… I promise to write over the weekend but until then I’ll leave you with this weeks installment of Bad Joke Friday, and just so you know… I am not ticking the piss!
I guess I should get you all started so here goes:
A man walks into an antiques store and the owner turns around and says sorry, I haven’t got TIME to serve you just now. The guy says to the shop owner, does that mean I am getting a SECOND chance cause I could really do with a HAND to fix my clock…
OMG that was bad! I hope yours are just as bad or even worse…
karmatosed Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Get ready to groan…
At what time does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: What do you get if you get if you employ a procrastinator in a clock shop?
A: A time waster with too much time on his hands…
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Which time is the most annoying and should be banned at all costs?
A: Chico time!!!
Can’t stand him… sorry
Rich Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
A sweet young thing thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him when was the last time he had had sex.
‘1956,’ was his immediate reply.
‘No wonder you look so uptight!’ she exclaimed. ‘Honey, you need to get out more.’
‘I’m not sure I understand you,’ he answered, glancing at his watch. ‘It’s only 2014 now.’
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Which is the futuristic cowboy time?
A: 2000 and 10 to 10
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Which Iron Maiden lyrics went wrong when Bruce Dickenson got carried away with eating too many pies?
A: Theres a time to live, and a time to die, and a time to meet your baker…
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
A clock walks into a bar… the barman says “whats with the round face…”
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
January and Febuary played a rather nasty prank on march, April was annoyed at this because she thought it was rather Augusting…
Top that lol…
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Which song is a calanders favourite wombling song and is commonly used to slag off one of the months?
A: December your a womble!
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: What is a clocks favourite food?
A: Minute Steak
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Why did the clock get dumped?
A: His dick was minute
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
2 furniture removal men were having their lunch in the garden when all of a sudden they heard a comotion upstairs and a clock came flying through one of the windows and landed in the garden.
One of them turns to the other and says “man time flies when your having buns…”
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Which drum and bass act are clocks heavily into?
A: Pendulum
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Which well known bird author wrote a very well known book about the history of space and time?
A: Steven Skwawkings
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
An MC walks into a club to do a set carrying to huge clocks, the bouncer says to him “lemme guess… you do double time right?”
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
The number 1 was having and arguement with his neighbour on the clockface saying that his name meant shit to him…
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
I have a really big problem with time management, on one hand I could be a couple of minutes but on the other hand I could be a few hours…
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Which sea creature has a whole lot of hassle telling the time?
A: An octopus…
Alan Author Comment
August 18th, 2006
Q: Why is Big Ben named so…?
A: The politicians got bored of writing big bills…
GROAN
Lynda Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Is this a wind up or what?
Alan Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Q: Which clock made a rather good 007 Lisence to kill?
A: Timethy Dalton
Alan Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Q: Which TV program to time pieces tune into to see their favourite music?
A: Top of the clocks
Alan Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Q: What is a clocks favourite vegetable?
A: Time-ato
Alan Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Man… I better watch what I am doing… I am getting carried away…
Alan Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Q: What is a clocks favourite sweetie?
A: Tic Tocs
Alan Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Or maybe a chime bar
Alan Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Q: Why do clocks not mind working…
A: They clock in, they clock out… no big deal
Lynda Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
True story: I inherited 5 clocks in the office showing world times where we have other offices. The second hands would not stay aligned so there was a constant tick, tick. tick, tick which drove me crazy. So I took them to bits and removed 4 of the offending noise makers - leaving only one ticker.
My question is…how would you describe the removed bits…..
Second hand second hands?
Lynda Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Do you think I ticked off the clocks?
Lynda Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
What time is your dentist’s appointment?
Tooth-hurtee
Lynda Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
What did the digital clock say to it’s mother?
Look mom, no hands!
Lynda Author Comment
August 19th, 2006
Why was the Magic Roundabout’s Zebedee wanted for questioning?
He kept telling Florence ” Time for Bed”