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Az Caz & Co
Man I love terrible jokes…
December 12th, 2005 | 38 Comments
I love terrible jokes and especially short quick stupid ones and there is no other man in the world that can out quick crap joke someone like my friend Paul. I am just off the phone to him and he was pretty bored offshore so I figured I would let him loose on the world wide web and open up a place for him to run riot with absurdity…
Do you have any crap funny jokes? Please leave them in the comments…
I’ll start you off with one Paul just gave (even if it was a repeat lol)
Q: Whats black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A Zebra!
Crap huh???
CharlieLaw Author Comment
December 13th, 2005
Whats the difference between light and hard.
You can go to sleep with the light on, but you cant go to sleep with a hard on..
Boom boom!!
wonKenstein Author Comment
December 17th, 2005
Two elephants fell off a cliff.
…
…
…
BOOM! BOOM!
Two birds were sitting on a perch. One says to the other, ‘Do you smell something fishy?’.
Alan Author Comment
December 20th, 2005
Lame guys lol… I am actually concerned about the torrent of jokes that may well come from Paul, I just saw him over the weekend and he unleashed several 10 minute joke spurts but I don’t know how many will slip through my moderation net….
To keep this going I do believe it is my turn…
Q: What is the difference between a loaf of Hovis and an Alsatian?
A: They are different breeds!!!
ROTFL…. not!
Lady P Author Comment
December 24th, 2005
What do you call a boy that is nearly home????????
HAMISH
Funny Funny Funny Love IT!!!!
Lady P Author Comment
December 24th, 2005
A bloke walks into a bar, he said ooohya that was seriously sore…. Yep yr right it was a metal bar…..
Fantastic….
Lady P Author Comment
December 24th, 2005
Q: How does Snoop Dogg keep his teeth clean??
A: Bleeee-YATCH
Lady P Author Comment
December 24th, 2005
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
I’m lovin it…
Alan Author Comment
December 24th, 2005
Nice one…. keep em coming!!! Man I love terrible jokes…. it wasn’t a lie ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
Q: What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
A: Ruberto
ptm Author Comment
December 28th, 2005
the crapest of all crap jokes has to be :-
Q How do you make a cat go “WOOF!”
A Some petraol and a match!
Q How do you make a dog go MMMEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOW!?
A A Plane saw
And my fave (it’s a wee bitty long loon!) :
Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can’t believe it! He says, “What’s wrong with you? We’re being boiled alive! They’re gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?”
The other missionary says, “I just peed in the soup.”
I thank you
The Phantom Gonzo!
[laugh] all the best Al!! [/Laugh]
amber Author Comment
January 23rd, 2006
your lucky, you only get SOME of pauls crap jokes SOME of the time, I have to put up with them every fuckin day AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH ,,, HA HA HA HA
Alan Author Comment
January 23rd, 2006
hehe… yeah I’d imagine that could be both a good and a bad thing
ryan Author Comment
April 15th, 2007
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him £50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
safe x
Tom Author Comment
May 1st, 2007
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm, turns to the barman and says “Pint please and one for the road”
Terrible…
Alan Author Comment
May 2nd, 2007
Q: What is a wombat used for?
A: Playing Wom
kudos to Ian for that one last night!
Hi Author Comment
May 16th, 2007
why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because theyre full of anty bodies
Alan Author Comment
July 27th, 2007
Nice one… is good to see some new jokes on here! I really need to pull my finger out and get Bad Joke Friday on the go again…
Oh wait…
It IS bad joke fridays…. hold tight I am gonna go post one!
Mark Author Comment
July 30th, 2007
What did they call fireman sam when he retired?
Sam
What do u call a fishermans wife?
A-nnette
What do u call a fella with no shins?
To-ni
Why did the monkey fall off the tree?
Because he was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall from the tree?
He was tied on to the first one.
Why did the third monkey fall from the tree?
He thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall?
HE THOUGHT HE WAS A MONKEY!
What did tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming straight for him?
Oh look theres a herd of elephants coming for me.
What did he say when he saw them coming with sunglasses on?
Nothing he didn’t recoginise them!!
U have to love the irish, mise le meas!fino.
Michael Author Comment
October 28th, 2007
Q. What do you call a women in the distance?
A. Dot
Q. What do you call a man with a seagull on his shoulder?
A. Cliff
Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. fssshhh
Just a lil collection ppl
Peter Author Comment
November 17th, 2007
This is great. I am actually the founder of the bad joke group on facebook and some of these jokes would be great. I post my own joke of the week every sunday…here is the one from last week…
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. a bad skydiver goes damn, whack.
Paul Author Comment
January 8th, 2008
I join the gym the other day to learn how to do the splits.
The instructor asked how flexible I was.
I said ‘I cant do Tuesdays’
stc Author Comment
January 23rd, 2008
a guy with a massive orange for a head is walking down a street..
another guy goes up to him and says ‘hey what happened to you??’
the orange head man says ‘well..i was given 3 wishes by a genie..’
man:’what did you wish for?’
orange man: ‘first i wished for a house..then i wished for a wife..’
man: ‘and what was your last wish??’
orange man: ‘well..isnt it obvious? i wished for a massive orange for a head!’
Alan White Author Comment
January 23rd, 2008
Nice one… That made me chuckle!
Graham Author Comment
February 19th, 2008
Q. What do you call a horse thats lost?
A. A horse off course
Q. Why did they cancel the hockey game of lepers?
A. Because there was a face off in the corner.
inkmf Author Comment
February 23rd, 2008
Man walks into a petshop and says “I’d like to buy a Wasp”
Pet Shop owner says “sorry sir, we dont sell Wasp’s”
The man turns and says “oh!! well you’ve got one in the window”
Alan Author Comment
February 27th, 2008
It’s so nice to see that this post attracts more jokes, keep them coming folks as it brightens up my day!
Penny Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
Q. Why did the Baker have shit all over his hands?
A. Cause he was kneading a poop!!!!
Bob Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
Q.How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 2, one to change the light bulb & one to suck my dick!!!!
Bob Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
Q. Why did the feminist cross the road?
A. To suck my dick!!!!!
Alan White Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
@Penny: That made me laugh lots…
@Bob: Yes they *are* terrible jokes
Penny Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
A bear walks into a pub & asks for a pint of beer, landlord says “sorry mate we don’t serve bears in here”. The bear replies “if you don’t serve me a pint of beer I’m gonna walk over to that waitress over there & eat her up”, so the land lord says “please yr sel”. So the bear goes over to the waitress & eats her up, then he reterns to the bar & asks for a pint of bear… The landlord then says “sorry dude we don’t serve bears on drugs”…. The bear says “I’ll have you know I’m not on drugs” landlord says “yeh you are that was a barbitchuate” boom boom!!!!!!!
Penny Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”
Penny Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
Alan White Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
Bored at work miss Tonks? Great to hear from you!
Penny Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
Alzheimer’s Chant….
WHAT DO WE WANT?
We don’t know
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
What???
Penny Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
Sure is Mr. White, how the hell are ya???
Alan White Author Comment
February 28th, 2008
Not bad, busy as hell trying to get my conference done and work out the door!
Jeff Author Comment
March 12th, 2009
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her.
Milo Author Comment
May 21st, 2009
What’s an archeologist?
someone who’s career is in ruins.